Thoughts about friendship

Hello.

Just a while ago, my mother and I were returning home from a small town in Maharashtra from a wedding by train, sleeper class.

No sooner did we board the train, than we ended up in a heated argument with some co-passengers. Perhaps exhaustion got to my mother and we ended up being a little too harsh with people without a reserved ticket and those who were pre-seated in our seats. I was upset to see my mother be firm and a little less polite and graceful with the other passengers. Of course, it was never abusive or vulgar or physical but I felt we could have been softer and adjusted till the train moved and then figured it out. Technically, she wasn’t wrong. We had reserved seats and we demanded what was rightfully ours but unfortunately, not everyone is on the same page. Those seated just asked us to adjust a little.

A few minutes later I was reminded of a similar train journey from Mumbai to Goa with a bunch of closely cherished friends and my reaction was just the opposite. We wanted more friends to squeeze in on a berth which was meant for three so that everyone could be together. We literally would squeeze in 15 to 17 of us in a place that was officially meant for 8. What was different? My mother too would have been far different if it were relatives or cousins or friends.

And being a reflective being, I started thinking.

We respond to the same thing/situation inherently differently if it relates to someone we consider a “friend”.

A friend doing well in life, earning a lot more than you or a friend traveling or insulting you jokingly or even taking us for granted affects us very little as compared to somebody, not a friend. Why?

I dislike being kept waiting but I seem a lot calmer when doing so for a friend. We struggle to spend on social causes or donate but we are happy to pay for a friend when going drinking or sharing a cigarette.

We seem at ease to share our vulnerable side and goofy habits with our close ones but seem to project the perfect life to our super generic “1001” friends on Facebook.

Jealousy seems far too distant to see a friend do well but my peer whom I simply consider as a friend’s friend sparks these terrible pangs of jealousy and inferiority when he/she does exceptionally well.

We beam with joy when a friend gets hitched or seems to be dating a beautiful girl or a studmuffin but oh my, it hurts when you see someone you don’t care too much about with a really good-looking or charming person. You can’t resist calling him a lucky douchebag.

We seem ok to undertake odd experiences, do crunch weekend trips, and travel far and wide, both within and outside the city when it comes to a friend but otherwise, we’re like “next time”. We open ourselves far more when it comes to friendship in every aspect of our life. Isn’t it?

Long working hours and super challenging schedules have seemed manageable and flown like a breeze when going through it with friends.

My friends have been very kind and giving to take care of me while I’ve been severely hammered under the influence of alcohol on a random night in Goa and sometimes I have been on the other end to take care but would I do the same with a stranger lying unconscious on the road? Perhaps, No.

We seem extremely conscious to ensure our female pals reach home safely, late into the night but for anybody else, who cares!

Sacrifice and service are often the hallmarks of a good friend and I have been fortunate to meet so many such people. I am most definitely not the best at it but it seems to be a work in progress.

Friendship is simply put, an expression of love. And that love expands us and undoubtedly brings out the very best in us.

I only wonder about this supremely utopian thought and that is; what if this spirit of friendship and love encompassed everyone we met and interacted and crossed paths with? We would truly be gems beyond par. And I do believe, in all earnestness, it is possible. Let us reflect on our experiences with friends and those we love and use that as a stepping stone with those around us. Let them benefit from the best version of ourselves and let us expand into being a giver of the highest order. What use are this life and intelligence if I only give to those I am attached to or those who reciprocate in equal measure? True love is undoubtedly selfless.

Essentially, we are all suckers for happiness and that is truly what we long for. We are all a gift of nature, striving and seeking the very same through different paths. Let us embrace each other with that spirit of oneness and look at everybody around us in the spirit of friendship and love and as an extension of ourselves. We can start small, in a thousand ways.